Biography
How can one describe the songs and dances of Neanderthal man?
Science gives us clues, a perspective garnered from archeological digs throughout the centuries. There was usually a feeling of tribalism. of the music-makers were freely interchangeable with of the dancing throng. There were primitive instruments, defined not so much by their playability as by the fact that they can be played at all. Anything that created sound, from hollowed-out logs to taut animal skins to expensive electric guitars with shiny metal-flake finishes.There was much drinking of Mickey's Big Mouths and carousing; in fact, the swinging red and blue lights of police cars inspired the Neanderthal tradition that is nowadays known as "the light show." It would be easy to categorize Heinous Bienfäng and His Cheap Moves, along with the ragtag crew which invariably volunteers to perform with them, as direct descendants of this tradition.Yes, it would be easy, had not both His Cheap Moves and Heinous Bienfäng evolved on a planet of superbeings, ammonia-breathers that looked not unlike Bob Hoskins impersonating a drunken squid. After their planet was destroyed by a flurry of bad circuit cover bands who refused to pay for their own sound, they emigrated to the warmer (although somewhat more mildewy) climes of Florida, whereupon learning of the Neanderthal traditional song and dance (especially the carousing bits) they spontaneously converted into normal human beings, not unlike you and I. But still not quite like you and I.Foisting themselves off as a "Performance Duo," they began the process of Becoming a Band. His Cheap Moves learned the intricacies of song composition, arrangement and instrumentation, and grew the appropriate appendages. He selected Acoustic Bass as his instrument, Acoustic because they knew that they'd have electric amplification withdrawn once people figured out exactly what they were up to, and bass because it was a hell of a lot easier to learn your way around four strings than six or (God forbid!) eighty-eight keys.Meanwhile, Heinous Bienfäng set about developing a able singing voice. Somewhere along the way, he must have been distracted though, because his trademark guttural style is not dissimilar to the sound used by his previous body to clear ammonium chloride crystals from his breathing nozzle. Using their highly developed sense of camaraderie and a lot of Mickey's Big Mouths , they had soon attracted a loyal following of genuinely talented musicians who were currently involved with other bands (successful bands, even), which they incorporated into an ever-mutating element of danger and sound.These days, Heinous Bienfäng is forced to commute from wild frozen wastelands (at least they seem that way to His Cheap Moves and the rest of the band) to play a select number of gigs, about one or two a month.
- Heinous Bienfäng and His Cheap Moves fake bio
Science gives us clues, a perspective garnered from archeological digs throughout the centuries. There was usually a feeling of tribalism. of the music-makers were freely interchangeable with of the dancing throng. There were primitive instruments, defined not so much by their playability as by the fact that they can be played at all. Anything that created sound, from hollowed-out logs to taut animal skins to expensive electric guitars with shiny metal-flake finishes.There was much drinking of Mickey's Big Mouths and carousing; in fact, the swinging red and blue lights of police cars inspired the Neanderthal tradition that is nowadays known as "the light show." It would be easy to categorize Heinous Bienfäng and His Cheap Moves, along with the ragtag crew which invariably volunteers to perform with them, as direct descendants of this tradition.Yes, it would be easy, had not both His Cheap Moves and Heinous Bienfäng evolved on a planet of superbeings, ammonia-breathers that looked not unlike Bob Hoskins impersonating a drunken squid. After their planet was destroyed by a flurry of bad circuit cover bands who refused to pay for their own sound, they emigrated to the warmer (although somewhat more mildewy) climes of Florida, whereupon learning of the Neanderthal traditional song and dance (especially the carousing bits) they spontaneously converted into normal human beings, not unlike you and I. But still not quite like you and I.Foisting themselves off as a "Performance Duo," they began the process of Becoming a Band. His Cheap Moves learned the intricacies of song composition, arrangement and instrumentation, and grew the appropriate appendages. He selected Acoustic Bass as his instrument, Acoustic because they knew that they'd have electric amplification withdrawn once people figured out exactly what they were up to, and bass because it was a hell of a lot easier to learn your way around four strings than six or (God forbid!) eighty-eight keys.Meanwhile, Heinous Bienfäng set about developing a able singing voice. Somewhere along the way, he must have been distracted though, because his trademark guttural style is not dissimilar to the sound used by his previous body to clear ammonium chloride crystals from his breathing nozzle. Using their highly developed sense of camaraderie and a lot of Mickey's Big Mouths , they had soon attracted a loyal following of genuinely talented musicians who were currently involved with other bands (successful bands, even), which they incorporated into an ever-mutating element of danger and sound.These days, Heinous Bienfäng is forced to commute from wild frozen wastelands (at least they seem that way to His Cheap Moves and the rest of the band) to play a select number of gigs, about one or two a month.
- Heinous Bienfäng and His Cheap Moves fake bio